Monosexual Privilege Exists.

First and foremost, a disclaimer: As Bis/Pans we know the problem with defining our sexuality as a binary. Many, if not most, of us are attracted not only to cis women and men but also to all of the other beauty and sexuality throughout the gender identity continuum. However, for purposes of discussing the privilege that exists for those who are only attracted to one gender I am going to be using some language that does not really define us but is useful when discussing the power/privilege of monosexuals (straight and gay) and results in phobia toward Bis/Pans.

As I have discussed before, I embrace my Pan siblings but I will be using Bisexual to define those of us attracted to people of more than one gender. I will be using Monosexual for those attracted to people of one gender (usually, but not always, cis women and men). I also want to make clear that I am well aware that privilege is most definitely not equal between straight and gay identified persons.

As Bis we definitely experience biphobia from both straight and gay monosexuals. There is a degree of difference but when you are on the receiving end it feels pretty much the same.

So, on to the privilege as I see it and what that privilege confers.

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• Society does not question a monosexuals sexual identity. There is no doubt that both gay and straight people exist. That is not open to debate and, even with the discrimination that gay men and lesbians deal with, their very existence is not questioned.
• No one questions straight or gay persons when they say they are straight or gay. They are not asked to prove their sexual identity. I don’t know how many times I have been asked, ‘How many women have you slept with? Are you sure it was not just a phase?’ Ugh!
• Monosexuals often think they are judge and jury of Bis sexual identity. The age old questions; Are you sure? How do you know?
• We are often/always defined by the gender of our partner. This is not the case for monosexuals.Case in point: I have been married to the same man for 32 years and almost every single time I come out I am met with ‘But, you’re married to Jim’….as if I don’t know that. However, my partner (no matter the length of duration) has not and will not define my sexuality.
• When I come out it is (far too often) assumed that my statement somehow indicates I am attracted to the person I am coming out to. Nope. Just Nope. This is never an assumption monosexuals have to deal with.
• Monosexuals are never ‘accused’ of having ‘passing privilege’. I am never attempting to pretend to be anything other than what I am and it is no privilege to be constantly defending your sexual identity because of whom you fell in love with and married.
• Many Bis/Pans feel unwelcome at LGBT events. They often don’t feel queer enough. This is not a challenge that monosexuals who identify as gay have to deal with.
• There are monosexual representations in culture, media, the arts, everywhere. This is much different from the representation of Bis. While this is changing it is difficult to find a positive representation of Bis. This is very challenging for young Bis who are still trying to understand who they are and how they fit into society at large. And, far too often, if there is a Bi representation it is likely to include a denial of our existence or a representation relying upon inaccurate stereotypes such as oversexualization.
• In terms of medical care, monosexuals can expect support and understanding of their sexual identity. Bis cannot expect this and are much less likely to come out to their medical professionals and, when they do so, they are much more likely to encounter lack of knowledge/support as part of their treatment.
• Monosexuals are much more likely to be open about their sexuality at work. Given that most of us spend so much time in the workplace it is much more affirming to have those we work with know who we are and accept us as we are. Bis rarely come out due to the misinformation and assumptions made about our sexuality.
• Monosexuals are much less likely to suffer from depression and other psychological issues associated with the stereotypes and assumptions made about their sexuality.

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This is hardly a comprehensive list but it does try to address the struggles of being Bi in society. For the reasons above and many others there is much less of a cohesive Bi community where Bis can seek refuge and support. In addition, because we often feel unwelcome in the greater LGBT community it is much more difficult for us to connect and organize.

It is so frustrating that often monosexuals are not even aware of the privilege they have that Bis do not share.

My intention here is to share information that may empower Bis to call out privilege when they see it and demand acceptance and understanding from both the LGBT and straight communities.

We are valid. We are worthy. We should not be invisible and we must demand respect and inclusion. We know who we are and we need to express that. If we call out the assumptions we are moving toward a situation where we are accepted and embraced. We are, after all, the Queer Majority. : )

…Bisexuality is a reality…and the experts are…wait for it…Bisexuals!! #BiPride#BiVisible#YouAreValid#themoreyouknowpic.twitter.com/nivOtNgQhU