Only 28% of Bisexuals are out to family, friends, and co-workers. I kind of busted out of the closet at 17. I just did not want anyone making assumptions about who I was. I wanted to be the boss of that. That said, for most Bi folks, coming out is a pretty continual process. Why? For a number of reasons, but mostly due to assumptions and Bi-erasure. It is something that takes a lot of chutzpah as it is also something we usually have to do often. The positive on that is with all the practice we have we get pretty good at it.
Coming out is not easy for everyone and should only be attempted if you feel safe and secure in doing so. I always want to emphasize this fact. Remember, you are the boss of your own identity and only you can determine whom to come out to, when to come out and how to handle that.
Here are a few tips for those who haven’t come out or have just opened the closet door by a crack.
- Your coming out is yours and yours alone. It will be a journey and, frankly, the journey is more important than the destination. Your sexual (and perhaps, gender) identity will be a journey too…sometimes fluid, sometimes fixed. You may just choose a trusted friend or lover to start this process. Just take it one step at a time. If you don’t think your family will be supportive they really don’t need to know until you have a network of support and love to fall back on. Trust your instincts on that. I will argue that being Bi is amazing but the truth is not everyone is evolved enough to know that truth. Take your time and come out your own unique way.
- The Bi community is becoming more visible and vibrant every day. You also have the use of your computing machine….take advantage of that tool to see how close a Bi organization is. Touching base, making friends, creating a social life with other Bis is getting easier. Reach out because I can guarantee someone will reach back.
- Be Proud. Why? Because you should be. Don’t say ‘I think I’m Bi’. Say I’m Bi and Proud and I know who I am. I am attracted to humans of multiple genders. Be confident. Your confidence will be contagious. Trust me. I don’t play when I tell someone I am Bi. I do not allow them to demean or diminish me. I have facts and figures and my own life experience and I am not shy about sharing it if someone asks or if what they say is clearly ignorant.
- Being closeted is a truly dreadful. You don’t feel authentic. You don’t feel as though you are being your real self. You feel as though what you present to those around you is a mere shadow of the awesome, amazing, vibrant, visible Bi you truly are. Trust me, most folks are attracted to those who know their own mind. You will find that once the closet door is hanging off it’s hinges you will sashay out of it with your head held high. More and more folks in the public eye are coming out as Bi and that is definitely raising the profile of our sexual identity.
I just want to wrap this up by saying once you have left that closet behind you will feel good, you will feel awesome and you will be your best Bi. Trust this…there are many many many of us out here in the real world and we are here to support you. Frankly, it almost seems as Bi identity is ‘trending’ these days…take advantage of that trend to express yourself exactly as you are. ❤
Envision yourself at a Pride parade, wrapped in a Bi Pride flag, surrounded by your Bi peeps and start the chant, ‘Visible Enough For You?’