Bi & Mighty!

bi·pho·bi·a
ˌbīˈfōbēə/
noun
  1. dislike of or prejudice against bisexual people.
    “she always challenged biphobia even in the most hostile environment”

When I read this definition of biphobia I wondered just where this dislike and/or prejudice against bisexual people was coming from. Typically, it seems to me that biphobia, at it’s most visceral, comes from fear….either fear of other or fear of self. People either fear what they don’t know or fear they are what they dislike.

Fear is a feeling induced from a perceived danger or threat. Bisexual people are neither of those things. Biphobia has no basis in fact, though, but rather is based on erroneous perceptions of our Bi community. These perceptions that Bisexuals are promiscuous or dishonest are no more correct about our community than it is of monosexuals but they do persist.

So, what do we do about this? What do we say when we are confronted by biphobia? I have a few ideas. Well, full disclosure, they are not mine. I must credit Reddit (bunnylover72626F you are my spirit animal) but they were so funny I felt they needed a new life. Hopefully, a few laughs will help us maintain our composure and our sense of humor when we deal with the inevitable biphobia. 😀 So hold your head up. Be who you are and laugh out loud at the haters. Pay them no mind. They don’t deserve your precious time.

 

Funny Comebacks to Binegative NonsenseHUMOR self.bisexual

submitted   by bunnylover72626F Bisexual/Biromantic, married to a bi guy

Because the only response that stupid nonsense deserves is more nonsense…

[Bi-negative Nancy]: So which do you like better? Straight sex or lesbian sex?

[Bi woman]: Apples and oranges

[Bi-negative Nancy]: But they’re both sex

[Bi woman]: But they’re both fruit

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Two girls making out is hot, but I could never get into watching two guys…

[Bisexual]: (interrupts them) Not with that attitude you can’t! 😀

[Confused person]: Yeah, well everyone’s a little bit bisexual

[Bisexual]: (raise your eyebrows and give them a flirty look) Oh really? Are you willing to back that statement up? (lick your lips and look seductively into their eyes)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Bisexuals are just confused

[Bisexual]: Yeah, multivariable calculus is confusing as hell. So’s the political situation in the Middle East, and quantum mechanics and…

[alternate response]: Yeah – confused by your prejudice

[not recommended alternate response]: Yeah, I’m really confused as to how someone could possibly be as stupid as you. Did your mom drop you on your head as a kid or something?

[Bi-negative Nancy]: You’re either gay, straight, or lying

[Bisexual]: Why yes, I am a lion (purrs, growls, and roars)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Yeah, but which are you really?

[Bisexual]: I don’t know, why don’t you ask your mom? … AND YOUR DAD?! BOOM!

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Bisexuals will sleep with anybody

[Bisexual]: (laugh really hard then shout loud enough that everyone nearby can hear) I WOULDN’T SLEEP WITH YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH! (point and continue laughing loudly)

[Confused person]: Pansexual? So you have a thing for cookware?

[Pansexual]: (whips out a frying pan) Aw yeah, baby! I love me some sexy cookware…

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Bisexuality is just a stepping stone to coming out as gay

[Bisexual]: Like how heterosexuality is just a stepping stone to coming out as bi? I identified as “heterosexual” (in air quotes) before I came out as bi too (smile and nod)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Bisexuals aren’t real- they’re just gay people who are too scared to come all the way out of the closet

[Bisexual]: Heterosexuals aren’t real- they’re just bi people who are too scared to come out of the closet

[alternate response]: Yeah, we’re just really sexy hallucinations

[other alternate response]: Yeah, we’re actually a rare pokémon type

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Bisexuality means you have to like both equally

[Bisexual]: Yes, and bilingual people must speak both languages equally. And for a bill to be bipartisan it must have exactly equal support from Republicans and Democrats. And bipolar people must spend exactly equal times in manic and depressive states. And bi-color corn is exactly 50% yellow kernels and 50% white kernels. And… (If you feel like educating someone, this is where you show them the Robyn Ochs definition of bisexuality… and/or where you tell them that “both” isn’t really accurate because there are more than two genders.)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Calling yourself bisexual erases non-binary people because bi means two!

[Bisexual]: We can’t call jellyfish jellyfish- I slathered peanut butter on one once and took a bite and it was horrendous!

[alternate responses]: (said while poking them) You can’t call yourself white! You’re actually a pinky fleshy color!/ You can’t call yourself black! You’re actually a delightfully chocolately coffee brownish color!/ You can’t call yourself a lesbian! You’re from Long Island, not the Isle of Lesbos!/ You can’t call yourself gay! You’re not happy all the time!/ (the list goes on and on…)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Calling yourself bisexual enforces the gender binary because bi means two!

[Non-binary bisexual person]: Umm…. No?

[Bi-negative Nancy]: I’ve only seen you with men, so you must be straight/gay!

[Bisexual]: And I’ve only seen you alone, so you must be asexual

[Confused person]: So how do you know if you’re… you know… a pitcher or a catcher?

[Bisexual person with penis]: Well, a lock of your hair is taken to the top of a mountain where 12 gay and bisexual elders gather. They perform a ritual, and drop the lock of your hair into a special flame- if it turns red, you’re a top, if it turns blue, you’re a bottom, and if it turns green, you’re vers. It’s a beautiful ceremony, really. (idea credit to bipositive.tumblr.com)

[Confused person]: How do you know you like both if you haven’t been with both?

[Bisexual]: How do you know you don’t like both if you haven’t been with both? (raises an eyebrow) You never know unless you try… 😉

[Bi-negative Nancy]: You’re just experimenting

[Bisexual]: HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE?! I THOUGHT MY SECRET LABORATORY WAS WELL HIDDEN! (be sure to visibly panic)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: You’re just greedy

Bisexual: Yup! (steal their stuff and run off)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Sorry, I just couldn’t ever date a bisexual

[Bisexual]: Sorry, I couldn’t ever date someone so closed minded

[Bi-negative Nancy]: You’re just doing that to rebel

[Bisexual]: No. To rebel, I’m organizing a multisexual militia to orchestrate a military takeover of a U.S. state, then secede from the union and make a bisexual utopia. Which sounds the best? BI-daho, O-BI-o, or Rhode BI-sland? (for the pan people- “How does Indi-PAN-a sound?”)

[alternate response]: No. I’m doing this to rebel (punch the person, throw a brick through a window and set the building on fire)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: I’m a gold-star lesbian, and I don’t want to go anywhere a dick has been

[Bi woman]: Yeah, well I’m a gold star thespian (sassy finger snap). Exit stage right (strut off into the sunset) (idea credit to oh-so-pleasant on Tumblr)

[Confused straight woman]: I kissed a girl once in college so I totally understand

[Bi woman]: Kissed her where?

[Straight woman]: (smugly) On the lips

[Bi woman]: Which ones?*

(*Only if the person starting the conversation is referencing a cis woman- I don’t want to imply that all women have the same parts. I also don’t want to imply that bi women who haven’t been with another woman aren’t actually bi)

[Confused straight man]: So you wanna have a threesome with my girlfriend?

[Bi woman]: If by “threesome with your girlfriend” you mean me and her and this lesbian I know, then hell yes. But if your ugly ass is involved in any way, shape, or form, then count me out.

[alternate response]: I may be bisexual, but your macho jock dumbassapian mentality who thinks two girls kissing is “cool” is surprisingly a turn-off (credit to your ecards)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: All bi people cheat

[Bisexual]: Well how else are we supposed to pass our exams? Study? Puh-lease- I don’t have time for that with all the threesomes and orgies I’m constantly having because I’m bisexual (roll your eyes so hard they fall out)

[Bi-negative Nancy]: You’re just a little bi-curious

[Bisexual]: Actually, I’m a little BI-FURIOUS! (roar and flip a large piece of furniture over)

[Confused straight guy]: Bi women only do it to turn straight guys on

[Bi woman]: Pfft. (Rolls eyes) Don’t flatter yourself.

[Confused gay guy]: Yeah, when I first came out I identified as “bisexual” (in airquotes) too.

[Bi guy]: Yeah, and you’re only kind of a “giant asshole” (in airquotes) but I’m sure it’s “just a phase” for you too

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Bi girls are just really slutty straight girls

[Bi woman]: Really? Because I go for months at a time without getting laid. I must be doing it wrong…

[Bi-negative Nancy]: You’re just saying that for attention

[Bisexual]: Yeah, that’s why I cower in the closet in fear around half the people I know. Ya know. For attention

[alternate response]: Nah, if I wanted attention I’d do this (Start some music, bust a move and become a Youtube sensation)

[Religious Bi-negative Nancy]: But it’s against God’s word- God made Adam and Eve…

[Bisexual]: (cuts them off) Yeah, God said Adam and Eve, so I did them both! I mean, it’s called the BI-ble, not the STRAIGHT-ble. Duh

[Bi-negative Nancy]: Bi people can never be happy in a monogamous relationship

[Bisexual]: Judging by the rates of cheating and divorce, straight people obviously can’t either

[Confused person]: So how does lesbian sex work?

[Bi woman]: It works very well 🙂

[Bi-negative Nancy]: I don’t believe in bisexuality

[Bisexual]: Yeah, and some people believe vaccines cause autism (or insert something else here) but it doesn’t mean that they’re right

[Bi-negative Nancy]: I think someone who says they’re bi is hiding something

[Bisexual]: Yes. We are hiding many things. The secret to eternal life. The location of Area 51. The Krabby Patty secret formula. All of it. (credit to helloimbritishletshaveateaparty on Tumblr)

[Super nosy person]: How far have you been with a guy and a girl?

[Bisexual]: Well, I’ve traveled with some friends of different genders… so pretty far I guess. (credit to caffeinatedfossil on Tumblr)

[Pan-negative Nancy]: Pansexuals are just bisexuals who want to be special snowflakes

[Pansexual]: (Laugh) Please. Like I need any help being this awesome

 

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