Every Bisexual knows the drill:
- You’re Greedy.
- You can’t commit.
- You are actually gay/straight.
- You want attention.
- You want to have multiple partners of multiple genders.
The above has been true of me and then not true of me and none of that matters. I am still not a stereotype. Just like all bisexuals I am a living, breathing human being with preferences and proclivities…some of those may fit into a very narrow, stereotyped version of bisexuality and some of them don’t. At various stages of my life I have been exceedingly sexually active and at others I have been monogamous. And none of that matters to anyone but me and my partners.
I recoil from the idea that any of it makes me a stereotype. This is a serious problem because, as a community, we cannot buy in to the idea that we are all alike or that we all like the same things. We just don’t and we are far too diverse a community for that to ever be the case.
Let’s just take a moment to examine the stereotypical statements listed above:
- You’re Greedy – I am not entirely sure what this is supposed to mean. Sexually voracious, perhaps? I would argue that only in a society clearly obsessed with sex but not willing to admit it would this even be considered a problem. Advertising sells with sex. Sex is a primal urge. I am guessing this societal obsession with sex is why asexuals and demisexuals feel uncomfortable being themselves and somewhat out of step with society/culture. I cannot help but think this alleged greediness associated with bisexuals has to do with (I’m just sayin’) a little jealousy that our life is rich with the appreciation of all genders. Think about it, we can love and adore and recognize the beauty and sexual attractiveness of multiple genders and, in my view, that is a superpower.
- You can’t commit – I have been with the same partner for three and a half decades. I am not the only bisexual in a long-term relationship. This stereotype is just stupid. In addition, so what if bisexuals ‘can’t commit’ as plenty of monosexuals can’t or don’t and there is nothing wrong with that. Not everyone wants to or needs to be in a relationship. We should be judged by who we are not who we’re with.
- You are actually gay/straight. LOL. Sure. Right. Next. Again, do not determine who we are based upon who we’re with. It does not work that way for bisexuals and never will.
- You want attention. – You say that like it’s a bad thing. OK, let’s deconstruct this. It has usually been said to me when I have been with a woman and because people have wanted to see us ‘together’….you know what i mean. Nope Nope Nope. Bis are not a circus sideshow and while we may not be seeking attention we may get it simply because folks are intrigued. However, that is on you not on me. I am doing what brings me joy and satisfaction and it is not for you at all.
- You want to have multiple partners of multiple genders. – Again, as though that is a bad thing. Yes, I do. Why,? I am Bi. It does not mean based upon my current situation (monogamous relationship) or my current luck (dry spell) that I am constantly having sex but my sexuality means I would be open to said liaisons and SO WHAT. I do not have to live my life based upon your norms and expectations. Not only do I not agree with your idea of measurement I am not even interested in your ‘ruler’. I will conduct myself ethically and you may keep your opinions of my behavior to yourself….unless you wanna rumble. Capiche!?
The moral of this story is those of us who are bisexual live our lives as we see fit. We are a very diverse community and no one archetype defines us. However, let’s not ever call ourselves stereotypes. Let’s bust the myths. Let’s be ourselves. Let’s not allow mono-sexual society tell us who we are. We know who we are and we are GOLDEN. We are exactly who we need to be because we are individuals. Live your own truth. Don’t let yourself be pigeonholed by those who do not understand who we are and how we live. If we make some folks uncomfortable then SO BE IT. It does not mean we will stop being who we are. The world has tried to put me in a closet before. It has never been successful and it never will be. While I do not think all folks are bisexual I do think that the current generation is shattering ideas about gender and sexuality and the future will at least be more fluid than the past has been. Those who don’t want to keep up just get out-of-the-way.