Non-Binary and Bi? HUH?

Yes. That’s right. Non-binary people can absolutely be Bisexual. How do I know? Well, because I am non-binary and Bi . And, beyond that, I am a non-binary woman. Have I blown your mind yet? Even if I am kinda trying to…lol…..but, only in the best way possible. ; )

I think many folks know that gender is a spectrum. The spectrum is wide and encompasses all of us, somewhere along that spectrum.  Genderqueer is a term we have come to use to express this wide, varying and sometimes complex spectrum.

I cannot say I have actually ‘struggled’ with my gender identity.  I just always felt like the square peg.  It was not something that worried me but just something that I lived and evolved through. I never, ever felt like a traditional cis gendered woman. I always felt like something different from that. Forty some years ago I did not have the vocabulary for how I felt but I do now. I have always been generally at peace with how my body is configured but never felt as though I was 100% comfortable being at the totally female end of the spectrum. I suppose if I had the opportunity I would have created a more androgynous looking me but, instead, i was a pretty curvy me. I never felt oppressed by the curvy me and have come to celebrate my physical self just as it is (a little more difficult than that breezy sentence makes it sound).

As a kid, I was always called a tomboy.  My Father’s nickname for me was Sport. I was lucky (and I am thankful) that my parents never tried to shoehorn me into a particular gender norm. It think it was less mindful and more laissez-faire parenting but, whatever it was, I just expressed who I was. It was kind of a puzzle and a question-mark for other family members and family friends but, basically, I paid their concerns no mind.  (Note: I know it is not easy for many folks and I don’t mean to imply that figuring out your gender cannot be a challenging enterprise)

I know that a lot of gender norms are societally defined but I always felt as though I had (traditional) male qualities and (some, but fewer) female qualities but I was not strictly female or male. It is something that is a bit more difficult to explain than to feel and live. And, live it, I have. ; ) For me, it is a situation where some days I feel more female (especially when I was pregnant with my three kids) and some days I feel more male and sometimes I feel more ‘neither’.

Pronoun wise you can call me she/her, you can call me they/them…it does not matter that much to me but it really does to some non=binary folks….so, bottom line is you should be mindful and abide by the pronouns a genderqueer person wants you to use.

So. If you feel genderqueer and you have any confusion as to whether you can be Bi and genderqueer I can attest  you can definitely be both. I have been both for a long time and it is both affirming and uplifting to (at last) have the language to define myself.


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2 thoughts on “Non-Binary and Bi? HUH?

  1. I really appreciate this post! I am bisexual, queer and have a cis male spouse. I don’t have a flat chest or an androgynous body, but I am muscular, athletic, dress masculine, have a haircut style somewhere between Pink (the shaved sides version) and Sara Ramirez, and I know there are so many gender binary conforming and monosexual people who don’t understand me. I am proud of who I am, would never want to be any other way, but association with many LGBT organizations can leave me feeling very lonely. It’s nice to know that, while perhaps not exactly like me, there are individuals out there who can understand and respect who I am.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey You!! Don’t be lonely. I see you and I respect and (I think) understand you. I think the fact I did not fit an androgynous mold kept me from really expressing my authentic self….all those years ago….however, even without the vocabulary I have now I was able to be myself with my partner and that helped a lot. I don’t know where you live but, hopefully, there is a bi group near you. I would strongly suggest you reach out to them. We are creating our group to be a safe and supportive haven for all non-monosexuals. I think most Bi groups do that. Take care and keep in touch. ❤ All the hugs headed your way.


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