Bi and Lonely.

Being Bi and Lonely definitely happens. The frequent narrative is that bisexuals have more action than they can handle…except we are ‘oversexed’ so we can definitely handle it. Yikes. Talk about having an unattainable situation and a demeaning stereotype.  Truth is many Bi+ folks live lives that are disconnected from their own community and do not find a home in the LG community. Instead of having too many dates, sometimes they don’t have any at all.

The main reason for this is often in the LG community Bis are not accorded appropriate support and respect. Gay men and lesbians often say they don’t want to date, or have a relationship, with a bisexual person. Biphobia much! However, knowing you are lonely because you are a victim of rampant biphobia does not make your loneliness any easier. Unfortunately, even in the Bi+ community biphobia rears its ugly head and many Bis say they don’t want to date another Bi man, Bi woman, Bi person. This stems from self hate and internalized biphobia but that does not help when you are feeling very alone.

In addition, there are definitely ace members of the Bi community and the stereotype of Bis as voracious sexual animals makes them feel even more isolated .

Sometimes Bis ‘erase’ part of their authentic selves to feel more accepted in the LG community. While that might result in a few more dates it also results in an untenable situation where the Bi person is being less than their authentic self.

What to do if you find yourself in this conundrum? With the disclaimer I have not used it my understanding is QueerBFF  http://www.queerbff.com/ is a site where you may be able to find Bi friends in your community. It is certainly worth a try. As with any social media application use your common sense and don’t do anything that does not feel right. Ok. I always want you to be safe.

Check out meetup…many communities have Bi groups that get together for social and/or political activity. https://www.meetup.com/   Again, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Or check out your local LGBT center. While many don’t have Bi specific groups/activities it is a good place to start. You can be the person to get the Bi+ party started. : )

The more folks you know the more likely it is you may find that special someone.  At the end of the day, you can be alone and not lonely, but having friends and a community of supportive people around you is important. You deserve it. ❤

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