Fundamentally Bi

I was inspired to write this post based upon commentary in a social media group I have joined. The group is primarily younger women, most of whom are in current relationships with cis-gendered males. I have gleaned that many of them also come from a very religious background.

Here is my major takeaway/concern from hovering in the background and reading their posts.

First of all, they are deeply concerned with their parents opinion of them and their sexuality and their behavior. Keep in mind, that while they are young they are (often) married, parents themselves and independently functioning adults. I am much older than they are but I can tell you, once I left home, was on my own and living my life my Mother’s opinion about how I conducted myself was of little concern to me. While I would never, purposely, have been rude to her or insisted she agree with how I comported myself I certainly would not have thought of her as the boss of me or my actions. Why would young people, in arguably a much more open, accepting time, let these old farts rule their emotions and actions? Really, I don’t know, so if someone does please tell me.

Second, I often see concerns about how their religion would feel if they were openly Bi. There  are certainly organized religious communities/organizations who are accepting/embracing of queer folks and if yours is not move on. If you love God/Jesus go find a community where you can be yourself and be empowered to express your authentic self instead of twisting yourself into a pretzel so as not to challenge their fellow congregants.

Third, a lot of commentary seems to revolve around how their partner feels they should present themselves to the world. Once again, to be clear, as a Bi person my partner does not define who I am. While my partner’s feelings and opinions are important to me they do not rule my life, my opinions and my behavior. Of course, in a relationship one wants to be ethical, fair, loving, kind, and all manner of other good things. If you are not it is unlikely your relationship will last long but if you feel constrained by the person closest to you it is time to reconsider the relationship.

I just hope that if you are Bi and worried about how your family or your religious organization will treat you if they know you are Bisexual please seek out those who would be supportive.

In my internet ramblings I have found an organization which is committed to supporting Queer Christians. It is called Queer Grace and can be found here:  http://queergrace.com/resources/

Here is what I found for queers of the Jewish faith: https://www.keshetonline.org/about/

Here are some resources (from PFlag) for Queer muslims: https://www.pflag.org/resource/faith-resources-muslims

I know this may not cover all religious faiths but it is a start and PFlag has some other good resources for Queers of faith. I hope it helps.

Just know that being yourself is important, righteous and authentic. If those close to you don’t support you it does not mean you should change it means they should change. However, you cannot create change within another person. So, just be how you are. Support is there in some congregations. Seek them out and find your spiritual home there. Although I am not a religious person, I have a hard time believing that if there is a divine being that they would not love you for who you are. I know I do. ❤