Pride Month comes with specific triggers for non-monosexual people. We hear we don’t belong at Pride if we have opposite sex partners. We hear we need to finally make a decision and ‘pick a side’. We hear we’re confused and just don’t know who we are…yet (I have still heard this utter nonsense at the venerable age of 60). We hear we don’t belong at Pride because we are not queer enough. We hear, of course, that we don’t exist at all.
This biphobic negativity has serious repercussions in our Bi+ community. If we have had a same gender partner and appeared in a gay/lesbian partnership/marriage we fear losing friends and support if we come out as Bi. If we have an opposite gender partner and are in a straight appearing relationship we fear being told we won’t be accepted as queer at an LGBT event. If we don’t have a partner we fear being told we just haven’t met the right person so we can ‘pick a side’ so our own sense of identity can be shaken. All of the above and more are why so many folx in the Bi+ community do not feel welcome and emotionally safe at Pride events. In fact, it is why Bis often do not attend Pride events and are excluded from openly celebrating their queer selves.
If this all sounds pretty ‘mean girls’ to all of you that is because it is. I am always gobsmacked and mad as hell when I hear about the blatant discrimination so many experience at the hands of the ‘establishment’ gay/lesbian community. It is not only Bisexuals who are treated so poorly and unfairly…it is also trans and non-binary folx, aces, aros, genderqueer folx, queer POC, etc etc….human beings who don’t fit the mold…who challenge the status quo….who are revolutionary in how they are what they are and do what they do.
This biphobic behavior chips away at the self-esteem and self-regard we have for ourselves. It makes us feel less than and that is more wrong than I have words for (that are not profane!).
How do we change this? Well, I cannot say I have the magic bullet but one thing we can do is show up, stand up and be counted. That will take some courage. There are some of us who are more than willing to be out and proud and visible. We want to be seen so those who are not quite ready to ‘uncloak’ may know they are not alone. We can only hope our radical visibility will encourage someone else to step out and show up at Pride (and everywhere else). The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. ❤
This year we will have a Bi+ contingent in our local Pride parade. We will insist on being seen and we will demand to be valued as valid members of our LGBTQ+ community. We will show our colors along with our sparkle and shine. We will show how we are there to support, encourage and love each other. Pride is not valuable and worthwhile unless it is inclusive. This year we will be including ourselves!