Bi our nature, Bisexuals challenge the status quo of monosexuality. We are not constrained by gender identity when it comes to choosing our lovers/partners. Our roving eye does not find pleasure in settling only upon a man or a woman….or a non-binary or trans person. We can see the sexy in all of the above.
Because of this ability, some monosexuals find us ‘unsettling’. We resist being put in your box. We don’t rest at either end of the sexuality continuum….our fluidity allows us to enjoy all of the area in between. We will not be defined by the way monosexuals see the world. For them, whether they be straight or gay, it is a yes/no situation and for us it will always be a maybe. A person will not be rejected/not considered as a potential partner simply because of their gender identity. We have other requirements…my own are a wicked sense of humor, insightful political viewpoints, a love of nature, kindness, sexy eyes, willingness to be versatile in bed, and etc….it is a long list but I will never rule you out because you are a man, a woman, a non-binary beauty or a trans person.
Sometimes, when we are with a partner, folks will try to pigeonhole us, will try to say we have chosen a team or picked a side. Don’t let that happen. It cannot happen and don’t let anyone tell you who you are based upon whom you have chosen to love or lust after. That is, simply put, not in the owner’s manual for Bisexuals. There is never a time when our sexuality is defined by whom we are currently partnered. We don’t work that way.
If you feel safe doing so make sure to challenge that assumption and the person making the assumption. You can simply say that while you are in love/in lust with a woman or man or non binary or trans person it cannot change your fundamental being. Explain that while you may be partnered it cannot change how you see the world, how you can find folks of varied gender identity attractive whether or not you act on that attraction.
The only way we can be less invisible is to be radically visible. To say, in no uncertain terms, we have no desire to be monosexual and we need no one’s permission to be our bisexual selves. Often we are simply dueling against ignorance. And, while it can get tiresome, we do need to disabuse folks of their erroneous notions about bisexuality. Their knowledge can be our power.
(Disclaimer: never do anything which makes you unsafe or puts you at peril.)