I wish I had a dollar for every time I have been asked this question! There are so many things to unpack about such a nonsensical query. I will try to touch on most of them.
Let’s start with the fact that not all Bisexuals are attracted to only cis men and women. (In fact, I would argue few of us are so limited in our attractions) Regardless of how we label ourselves (bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer) we are very often attracted to folks all along the gender identity spectrum. This means that restricting us to explaining our attraction to either women or men won’t even compute with most of us.
Additionally, while I would love to be able to foretell the future I do not have the gift of clairvoyance. Because our attractions can run the gamut I could not possibly predict who might tickle my fancy on any given day and for those who are not in a relationship with whom we may end up with long-term.
During the course of a lifetime, bisexuality can ebb and flow and sometimes shift somewhat. This is called fluidity and is a component of bisexuality for some of us. It is not always a 50/50 proposition (especially since we can be attracted to human beings of varying gender identities). In addition, my eye might spy more female – identified humans for a bit and then swing a slightly different way for a while. I think in my life my attractions probably would add up pretty equally but the point I am trying to make is if for a while you find yourself more attracted to male folks it doesn’t mean you’ve changed your Bi ‘stripes’ it just means for a bit you have seen some very attractive men. ; )
The fundamental truth about bisexuality is that we cannot predict our attractions nor would we have any desire to do so. Our innate ability to see beauty and magic in folks of any and all gender persuasions is our true superpower. We should be straightforward (no pun intended) and embrace the fact we cannot predict whom we will be attracted to or who we may ‘end up with’ any more than we could predict winning lottery numbers. ; )
2 thoughts on “You’re Bi, so do you like women or men more?”
The comic at the end of this post is spot on!
It’s very cool of you to make this site. Being bi can be hard. We need the visibility! It feels like we get the best, and the worst, of both worlds.
Biphobia is super painful for young bi people when it comes from other members of the LGBT community.
I personally didn’t understand why being gay was okay but bi was not. It can be super hard to be bi but it is without a doubt rewarding.
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I don’t know why I did not see your comment before. I know what you are saying. Being Bi and unapologetically out has sometimes been a challenge but definitely a worthy one. I just hope if one person can see this blog and feel seen and appreciated for who they are it is a win! Hugs!