Oh my gosh, we are coming upon a very romantical time of the year. Championed by florists, chocolatiers, wine sellers, greeting card companies, lingerie stylists and all other purveyors of gifties for your loved one(s). To be clear, one should show one’s appreciation for folks you love. I would never take issue with that. However, for those of us not particularly inclined to romanticism it can be a somewhat trying time.
I have a few tips for folks like me who are partnered but decidedly aromantic. It is not as if I don’t care but the societal trappings popularized to express your luv just don’t matter or mores o don’t even register with me. I am an admitted and avowed allosexual (is there a term for an uber-sexual, if so I don’t know it) but flowers and bonbons are not my love language. I prefer someone who listens intently to my utopian futurist imaginings, can hold their own in discussions about the best progressive political policies, shares my interest in the imagined world of magic, enjoys a good wine vintage, can cut a move on the dance floor and who listens to me when I say what I like in bed.
All of that said, those of us who are not transported by romance can feel a little like a fish out of water during the valentine season. However, we definitely exist. We can maintain long term relationships. We can love someone without getting all caught up in being or desiring a fantasized romantic ideal. We can deeply love and care for our partners but they can park sweet nothings at the door. Sometimes I think we are misunderstood and there is a misapprehension that we are cold and aloof. Nothing could be further from the truth but societal ideas about we should want, especially if we are womenfolk or femme just does not compute for us.
And, we are definitely in every sexual identity. I am Bi/Pan/Queer. I am sure there are straight folks and gay/lesbian folks who feel the same way. Aromantic sibs, I am declaring loudly and proudly, that we can skip the box of valentine chocolate and be accepted and embraced as folks who are not moved by such gestures. Our love and our lust is not in response to flowers given because it happens to be that valentine time of year. Keep your baubles and bangles. Engage with me honestly if you want to get with me…..lol….and just don’t expect me to get all starry eyed because I just never will.
For those who wait with bated breath for their lover/partner to wrap their hearts up with a bow…enjoy. For those of us who can take a pass I see you and I am you. ; )